I hold my breath even though I shouldn’t

Doing it like it’s part of the dance

May 01, 2024

Let’s start in vrikshasana: tree pose. My legs are tired and I keep swaying. The teacher says, embrace the wobbles. Option to raise your hands. I go along, of course I do. I hold my breath even though I shouldn’t and somehow, I find balance. I feel stable now. I feel safe.

My therapist told me that I pull my hair to feel more in control. Disquieting news. I do like to feel in control, she’s right. Try moving once or twice a year for eight years in a row. It’s not just because of that, of course. But I digress.

Two months into my new job and my hands are worn while my ankles are crying out for a massage. Tortured poet.

Despite it all, I feel like dancing sometimes.

I was dancing earlier while cooking dinner; you couldn't see me but I was. Bread toasting in the pan and I danced - to what it doesn’t matter.

Maybe I dance to lose control, or to find balance. Question mark.

Speaking of making moves, just last week a team of letting agents found my partner and I worthy of a roof over our heads. What a privilege! We put down a deposit for a 1-bed in a decent part of town. Less than a minute from our front door and you can see Calais on a clear day. Mum wants to come visit already.

Sweet.

I walked up a particularly round hill

Then I got home and googled about it. Allegedly, It was a former site for public executions of medieval felons. Blindfolded, handcuffed, and then pushed down off the very top. That’s how it would happen.

The views were gorgeous regardless. And no ghosts around.

I’m in business

I always was, but now it's official. Flyers and all.

Never Not Ready – my solo virtual assistant agency – is now up and running. I have two spaces available for new clients. A few hours a month or ongoing support, I’ll be there to help.

For those running creative businesses. For those working 25/7. And for those who never thought they needed help yet here you are, updating your site at 9 pm on a Sunday night.

I’ll save you enough time to have a proper lunch break. Hire me already?

On repeat

Two poems

Visceral, straightforward, and deeply harrowing. Not my LinkedIn bio, but my two (well, four) words on these beautiful poems. Best read while playing the above Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross track.